Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Only a mothe r could love this liver
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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