yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
