I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
