remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
im on a boat
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