so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
