You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
