I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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