Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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