His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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