shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
