it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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