My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
