this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
