I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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