i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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