does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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