Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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