Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
