I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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