Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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