Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
