apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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