Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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