I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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