I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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