I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
