i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
