Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
