how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
