Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
