i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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