I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
