Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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