Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
