I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize