one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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