I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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