the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish my penis had a tongue
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
