I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
