The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
