i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
