i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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