It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
