I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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