that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
