in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
