someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
