This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
