Umm I'm too high to move.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
