that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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