it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
