Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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