I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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