Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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