it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize