hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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