something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
