Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
