Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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