Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
