Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
