I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I looked at my own cervix.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
