He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
