You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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