proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
